Dunkin' Donuts: Grand Forks, Update 1
Memo to Sen. Dorgan: Once you've finished slapping around those Northwest Airlines executives and wrangling Airbus 380 service from Grand Forks to Paris and Berlin, how's about jetting up to Canton, Mass., for a little confab with Dunkin' Donuts' coffee-grinders-in-chief? Tell 'em that the great state of North Dakota awaits, and that in Grand Forks, they'll find 50,000 customers avidly awaiting the first ... well ... OK, 40,000 customers, who hate being deprived of their ... um ... Scratch that. Five thousand customers, each of whom promises to drink quarts of the hot ... Hmm. Five hundred customers? Fifty?
Senator, in Canton, you can tell the good folks at DD that one customer in Grand Forks eagerly awaits their arrival -- and that while one customer does not usually make for an attractive market, this one is EXTREMELY LOYAL and could just about support the whole franchise by himself.
Now, gentle reader, I know that you're asking, "Tom, what is it with this goofy Dunkin' Donuts kick? When we click on your blog, we expect the latest news on zoning ordinances and municipal bond issues. We don't want to read about your weird psycho-sicko bakery preferences! So get with the program, you big oaf!"
But that's where you're wrong, you see. Because my affection for Dunkin's Donuts has nothing to do with its "bakery", meaning its donuts. I don't care about their donuts. I never order donuts, and neither do any other DD fans I know.
It's the coffee.
The coffee is just unbelievably good. You've heard the way people describe different varieties of whiskey? You know, "deep blonde in color and remarkably smooth on the palate, and with lots of spices in its flavors (including cinnamon, allspice and black pepper), all overlaid by a hint of butterscotch and a light nutty flavor," and so on ... Well, that's that's the kind of language that fits Dunkin Donuts coffee. Except for the black pepper part.
Here's the bottom line. A medium DD coffee with sugar and cream is the next best thing to a coffee milkshake, except with, say, 50 calories as opposed to 500. Plus, it's cheap at around $1.50 a shot. What more could a guy ask?
Look, maybe this will explain. I mentioned that I'm from Rhode Island, and in Rhode Island (according to this story), there is one Dunkin Donuts franchise for ever 6,000 people. It's a "fortress market" for the brand -- and how! That's like having eight Dunkin Donuts outlets in Grand Forks alone!
Hmm ... eight? Yeah, sounds about right. Senator, your aircraft is on the tarmac, gassed up and ready to go!